[Journal] The Returned
Dear Mama & Papa:
It’s been a while since last I wrote, of course, I visit you more frequently these days so I suppose there is less need, but still. It is as much a beloved pass-time as it is a habit for me on occasion, but also a comfort when I find myself troubled. There are few better into whom I can confide than my own loving parents, after all.
Syrio Nessaire has returned from Corvos. I know all at once it will raise father’s ire, given how much I lamented his departure to both of you. I am overjoyed at his return, but there is still a part of me that is wounded, cut deeper than any knife that he would so willingly leave me behind to begin with. We, who promised to always be at one another’s side, after I swore to him that I would go with him to Corvos, to see his people liberated, so that he might rebuild his master’s school to teach pupils anew.
There is so much we promised to one another that he shattered all in the span of a single night. I love him still, but there will always be something fundamentally changed within our dynamic. There’s so much changed about him… and me. I don’t know that he realizes just how much hurt he caused or how much damage it did to what we had. He says that he’s here for good, that all he wanted was to come home to me. Part of me can’t help but ask… for how long this time?
I spent some time with Valeria Camena since we’ve both been busy of late. I wanted to talk to her of Syrio and my work in Akela Springs, but I couldn’t really bring myself to speak to her like a friend and peer. I listened to her growing ambitions for the Chantry and the things she wants to build with the Light’s Respite. Our journey through Garlemald truly changed her outlook on things and she’s actively working to help people for the better, instead of our Company just being yet another slaughterhouse of war.
There’s much to admire in her new path. I wish I could see my own with such clarity. You and Father both know how much I’ve been struggling to find a way forward; I feel so much like I’m mired in the same place, doing the same things, feet moving to the steps of the same song and dance. It’s like those dreary days before I found Valeria and the Chantry all over again. Just moving from one contract to the next. I need to find a sense of purpose again, something that fulfills me and no one else. Food for thought, self.
It seems like Disappearing/Reappearing men are a common theme in my life of late. Tonight, I received a letter from Reynard Silvaire. In the contents of his letter, he spoke of being in danger, that he couldn’t even meet with me for fear of bringing that danger to me. Instead, he left me with a linkpearl. He said that even in his peril, all he longed for was to hear my voice again…
He spoke so readily of how I must have forgotten him, that I should be wroth with him for disappearing. In truth, all I have done is mourn him for I thought he was most assuredly dead after that business with Orbonne. I wonder if he still wears the bracelet I gave him seemingly so long ago. I wonder if he remembers the promise he made me then. To never forget. To always remember.
Not long after his letter was delivered, I was approached by one of his friends, then and now, one Fael Altair. She wanted answers, even as I wanted them. She wanted to know what I knew, which was precious little. I gave her what little I had to offer, but tonight was not the time to attempt to use the linkpearl that Reynard had sent me. The delivery of it was shock enough, I need time to collect my wits before I possibly hear Reynard’s voice again. I don’t know that I’m ready for it.
I think that’s all the excitement in my life at present, but I wanted to write and let you both know that I’m well and that my work in Akela Springs progresses apace. It shouldn’t be too long before they have a proper village again. Provided I can get Adalberta to give me a half-decent masonry contract.
All My Love,
