Mushroom Mushroom

Dear Book:

Went on my first mission for the Vanguard Company. It… wasn’t exactly what I expected from a mercenary company. We were helping Iris Yuzuka move out of her apartment… or rescuing stuff from it. It’s hard to say. She’d been evicted by her landlords on zero notice along with a bunch of other tenants in her apartment building, so she needed a hand getting stuff out before they took it all.

We met outside her building and, Twelvesakes, was it a chaotic mess. People were clamoring to get in and there were six guards minding the door so that no one could pass. Why they were keeping people out of their own property to get their own stuff was beyond me, but if they weren’t letting anyone else in, they certainly weren’t about to allow Iris along with the rest of us. A plan had to be formed.

After much discussion between Iris and her lot of volunteers: myself, Vincere Northfield, Adalind Hal’nova, and some pink as primroses bunny-boy that has yet to actually introduce himself. (Roroux Primrose) We decided that Adalind and What’s-His-Face would head around the side to the window to Iris’ apartment and break in that way in order to find her work pack and her cat, Ebony. Once they had those, we’d meet up with them once Vincere and I cleared the doorway.

Vincere had made it clear from the get-go that we weren’t to hurt anyone, not that I was thinking it. These people had done nothing wrong besides try to live their lives. The guards were just kind of caught in the middle; I don’t even know if they truly understood what it was they were involved with. Still, I had a plan — and it was a good plan, too.

I charged Bitters (my carbuncle, as you’ll recall) with Wind-aspected energy and sent him into the middle of the crowd to start up a huge windstorm that kicked up a bunch of leafy detritus and dirt and sand from the cobblestones. If there’s one thing you can count on in the Mist, it’s the fact that sand is everywhere. It was more than enough to disperse the commons and send them running; the guard were made of sterner stuff. Two of them gave chase to Bitters, but he’s used to being a decoy so he led them on a merry run down the beach. There were two guards remaining, though, so I took some Earth-aspected aether and Water, since it’s abundant as hell along the beach, and formed them into mud which I dumped over one of the guards.

I made it a point to make it seem like it had been dumped out of an upper-story window which apparently worked. The second guard helped his pal out of the mudpile, then escorted him down to the beach to wash off all the mud. With the door clear, Vincere and I made our way inside. We made a cursory search for the landlord or whoever did the maintenance on this place, but we didn’t have much luck before we got to Iris’ apartment.

Once inside, we found Adalind and What’s-His-Face already in the thick of it searching for the cat, but Iris’ work satchel was nowhere to be found. Inspection of her apartment told us A LOT of things about Iris that I think even these, her closer comrades, didn’t even realize about her. I think the most shocking and slightly revolting thing was when we learned she’d been keeping some kind of… Primal-infused mushrooms? Just which Primal I never caught on to, but apparently just coming into contact with these things was dangerous. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like if someone touched them, or Twelve forbid actually ate them. Whelp, we were about to find out.

The mushrooms had vanished from Iris’ apartment, along with her work satchel, so there was really only one person we could ask: her landlord. We went up to his penthouse suite where Vin kicked in the door and we found him slobbering over a pile of mushrooms in the corner, stoned out of his mind. It made me sick to my stomach to watch; it reminded me of so many times K’alagreth came home in similar state. Only he wasn’t a slobbering, stumbling stoner. He got angry. And violent. It took everything in me not to set the man on fire then and there, but I promised Vincere I wouldn’t.

While Vincere and What’s-His-Face pummeled the guy, I did my best to use non-Fire spells like water and ice to keep him pinned to the corner. It was enough that Adalind could grab Iris’ pack and get it out of there, hopefully back to Iris. I just hope somebody remembers the damn cat!

What’s-His-Face got bit on the ankle by the rabid, stoned landlord so Vincere sent him to fetch the Yellowjackets to come collect him. Meanwhile, she clocked the landlord so hard that it finally put him out. We trussed him up like a chicken then hauled him out for the authorities to collect. Vincere and I spent a few minutes getting our story straight on how we found the guy and I told her I had no intention of saying anything about him finding his drugs in Iris’ apartment. I’m sure she has a logical reason for it. Right? I dunno, I don’t know her, but I like to think I know Vincere well enough to trust her judgment.

I find I’m growing rather fond of the big, brawny bun. She doesn’t treat me like I’m just some hot-headed pyromaniac. She listens to me when I suggest things. Or when I told her to stick her fingers down the landlord’s throat to make him puke up the mushrooms before they took effect — she actually listened without question. If Vincere gave me orders to run and keep running, I would listen to her. I feel like I can respect her on that level, since she does the same for me.

Regardless, I hope the authorities do something about that landlord and that all those tenants end up not having to move out. Not that they’d know it was us that kept them in their homes, but it would be nice if it all resolved nicely. I’m sure if Iris got to stay in her apartment, she’d see that we’re well rewarded. Right?

… Right??

Until next time, Book.